I have
never smoked methamphetamine in my life. Whatever I have said and however I have acted in the past that has lead you (and the greater denizens of the spinoff poker forums) to believe that I indeed have was all a ploy on my part to garner sympathy for my laziness and apethetic nature toward life in general. It's not the easiest thing in the world for me to admit, as in so doing I must also face facts and cop to the shitty rude and adolescent behavior I have brought to the forums time and again, at times against the explicit forbiddance of one forum owner.
As my frustrations grew at my inability to succeed in life, I really began to come unglued as I woke up every morning over the age of 30 still living with my mother and not having done shit with my life. You no doubt noticed my decline on donkdown about two years ago, this has been a long time coming and just a few hours ago I found myself alone with my thoughts, as is almost always the case, and decided I have had enough of my own bullshit, and I want to succeed in life.
Facts are facts, my mother gave me an invitation to stay with her and my step-father out of pure love and grace, NOT because it was a great idea. I am quite sure this was obvious even to me, shortbus mike, and when I made the decision to say yes I became a leech, a human LEECH, and as has been pointed out to me countless times by friends and family, since that time period I have turned into a walking poster child for human filth and wretchedness. I selfishly abused a loving parent and for my crime I have been punished in more ways than I am sure I perceive, and to be frank, I deserve far worse.
Never in my 32 years of life have I EVER said what I have been doing, how I have been living, manipulating and lying, even stealing...never would I have said to any other person on Earth "good job dude, you're fucking killing the game here! highest score! THIS is how the game is played and how winners win at life"
I have a long way to go in the journey for redemption, and it's been underway as I apologized to my mother, who was not receptive (too busy moving) and my step father, well, let's just say unless I am bringing him the years of his life I essentially stole by manipulating the love of his life and violating the sanctity of his home and privacy and, essentially, his right to the pursuit of happiness, he ain't in the mood.
Even with such gifts I doubt he would care, I have been dead to him some time now, I just didn't realize it.
I'm on my own with few friends, a shaky place to live, no job nor income, no savings, no anything. The culprit?
Me
I've lost everything in life because at my core lies a rotten core of a human being, and bless his heart a good man did step in to save me from mySelf, and for His efforts I do owe my life. At the time we met, I had planned and was getting ready to carry out my unassisted suicide. Had letters written and a primary to do the job quickly, without mess for anyone to clean up and most importantly, I would be found quickly and my family was to be notified immediately so as to avoid any further drain on my family in the form of a search for a missing person etc.
There is not much more to say, other than I am sorry for the annoying buzzing insect I have been recently, and very sorry for wasting the time of good people whom have tried to help me. That would be me exploiting the people around me, as usual, as it is human nature to want to help a person in need, and thanks to a small group of people, including Sonatine, my lies and bullshit have always been unwelcome and even my advanced mental problems have not been capable of getting around over or under that immovable object, and thus the path through invariably involves I walk the long way around, alone, just me and my thoughts and all the time in the world to iron out my flaws, should I so desire. If I am lucky I will return the man people knew me as and had respect for, a person many people TRUSTED, at one time.
It's been so long that I've been gone, now I do make my journey back home, a man broken without pride and not knowing of shame, praying to see a smiling face at some point in the future.
408Mike
The only reason Druff hasnt banned you is because he knows that sooner or later youre going to murder someone and, like an inverted game of musical chairs, perhaps this will be the only site you wont be banned on when you do it, affording him an opportunity to showcase your hilarious stupidity and parlay it towards some site traffic.
Pretty sure Druff hasn't banned me because he has the EQ of....I don't know of anything to compare him to. Suffice to say his patience has, again, been something I've worked over to my benefit, and the more I let truth in, MY truth, the truth I suffered immeasurably to seek and find for myself, and my truth says I am a horrible person, and that is a horrible thing to have to admit. Quite frankly _name_ has been right all along, a bullet would have been more advantageous and logical for the human race, thus here I am once again setting out to justify my Right to Life.