JEW Make the Call: Gross food outlet in foreign country edition

[Dan Druff]

You are an American on vacation in a western European country, a medium-sized city.

You're just passing through this city and will not be staying there beyond the meal you stopped for, and one sight you're going to see later.

Everyone is in the mood for sandwiches, so you go on Google Maps and find one that looks good. You see a highly rated one with a decent number of reviews, and set your GPS for it. The parking is lousy, so you need to park about 1/3 mile away and walk.

You get there and it's not what you pictured. It's a tiny, hot place with no A/C, and some Asian dude behind the counter, who appears to be the owner. There are relatively few meat choices, and the whole thing doesn't seem special. Nobody else is eating there. You have a hard time picturing that everyone in the internet loves this place, but maybe somehow the food is incredible.

Shortly after you're done ordering, a fly lands on the bread. He seems to see it and not be bothered by it, nor shoo it away. Uh oh!

About 5 minutes later, you ask if there's a bathroom. He tells you there's one outside in the back. You go there, and it's horrifying. It's the only bathroom on premises, it's tiny, dirty, and there is no soap at all. And when I say no soap, I don't mean he ran out. I mean there's a broken dispenser which has been ripped off the wall a long time ago, and no soap has been in the room for a long time. There's a weird sponge sitting on the sink. You realize that's the bathroom HE uses, too, and you realize the sanitation of this place is awful.

By the time you get out, the food is almost ready. You haven't paid yet, though.

You wonder why this place had so many 5-star reviews. You go take a second look, and notice that almost all of them are obviously fake. Doh!

What do you do at this point? You have ordered 3 sandwiches.

JEW make the call!

[Sanlmar]

Hosed by an app.

You could have stopped and asked a local what’s good - which is literally an international tourism code of conduct.

App users live by a protocol I’m not privy to so I have no opinion.

In early Rome communal latrines (the only bathrooms available) there was no soap or toilet paper. There was however a sponge on a stick that was shared by everyone.

As I understand it citizens of early Rome did not have their own kitchens either. Fire was a real concern. Nearly every meal was had in a restaurant. Recall the sponge on a stick.

You had a cultural experience. You and Ben will retell this story endlessly. Leave a small tip.

[Tellafriend]

Hosed by an app.

You could have stopped and asked a local what’s good - which is literally an international tourism code of conduct.

App users live by a protocol I’m not privy to so I have no opinion.

In early Rome communal latrines (the only bathrooms available) there was no soap or toilet paper. There was however a sponge on a stick that was shared by everyone.

As I understand it citizens of early Rome did not have their own kitchens either. Fire was a real concern. Nearly every meal was had in a restaurant. Recall the sponge on a stick.

and the sponge was then typically dipped into some type of vinegar to clean it.

[dmndkutr]

Poppy was sloppy!

[gut]

I would assume this is par for the course for rural France.

[Dan Druff]

Hosed by an app.

You could have stopped and asked a local what’s good - which is literally an international tourism code of conduct.

Unfortunately, this method of restaurant selection has always been a moderate fail for me.

Every time I ask a local about a good dining spot, they clearly send me to their buddy's place -- or alternately, away from a restaurant run by someone they personally dislike.

In most cases, the place is mediocre, and when I later check the online reviews, they concur with my assessment.

Online reviews are usually (but not always) a good indicator, provided there's enough of them, and provided they're not being warped by phony reviews. At the very least, they keep me away from total fail places. Sometimes the 4.8/5 star restaurants end up being just okay, but at least they're not awful. In a few cases I've found some hidden gems via online reviews.

I did learn a lesson here, though. When I see a lot of excellent reviews for a small place, I should read them, and not just go by the stars rating. Often I do this anyway, but I didn't feel like taking the time on this particular day, and I suffered for it. Fortunately most posting phony ratings have a hard time toning down their manufactured exuberance, so they're easy to spot.

[Dan Druff]

I should say something else.

Many here would assume that, given my high standards regarding customer service, it would stand to reason that I'm probably a germaphobe, as well.

Except it's not true. I'm not dismissive of poor sanitation, but I'm also not an extreme germ freak. I'm about average as far as that's concerned. What will or won't really disgust me in a restaurant or hotel environment is about on par with what would disgust an average person.

[Sanlmar]

Hosed by an app.

You could have stopped and asked a local what’s good - which is literally an international tourism code of conduct.

Unfortunately, this method of restaurant selection has always been a moderate fail for me.

Every time I ask a local about a good dining spot, they clearly send me to their buddy's place -- or alternately, away from a restaurant run by someone they personally dislike.

In most cases, the place is mediocre, and when I later check the online reviews, they concur with my assessment.

Online reviews are usually (but not always) a good indicator, provided there's enough of them, and provided they're not being warped by phony reviews. At the very least, they keep me away from total fail places. Sometimes the 4.8/5 star restaurants end up being just okay, but at least they're not awful. In a few cases I've found some hidden gems via online reviews.

I did learn a lesson here, though. When I see a lot of excellent reviews for a small place, I should read them, and not just go by the stars rating. Often I do this anyway, but I didn't feel like taking the time on this particular day, and I suffered for it. Fortunately most posting phony ratings have a hard time toning down their manufactured exuberance, so they're easy to spot.

Chopping it up with a local is more important than a good lunch when traveling. Invite the person to join and announce you’re buying if the vibe is right. The price of a lunch in exchange for a local handicap is a great trade. You travelled 6000 miles - open up your range. Close the phone

Shit that doesn’t go right is usually where the best memories are made. At least in my experience.

[Dan Druff]

Unfortunately, this method of restaurant selection has always been a moderate fail for me.

Every time I ask a local about a good dining spot, they clearly send me to their buddy's place -- or alternately, away from a restaurant run by someone they personally dislike.

In most cases, the place is mediocre, and when I later check the online reviews, they concur with my assessment.

Online reviews are usually (but not always) a good indicator, provided there's enough of them, and provided they're not being warped by phony reviews. At the very least, they keep me away from total fail places. Sometimes the 4.8/5 star restaurants end up being just okay, but at least they're not awful. In a few cases I've found some hidden gems via online reviews.

I did learn a lesson here, though. When I see a lot of excellent reviews for a small place, I should read them, and not just go by the stars rating. Often I do this anyway, but I didn't feel like taking the time on this particular day, and I suffered for it. Fortunately most posting phony ratings have a hard time toning down their manufactured exuberance, so they're easy to spot.

Chopping it up with a local is more important than a good lunch when traveling. Invite the person to join and announce you’re buying if the vibe is right. The price of a lunch in exchange for a local handicap is a great trade. You travelled 6000 miles - open up your range. Close the phone

Shit that doesn’t go right is usually where the best memories are made. At least in my experience.

I wouldn't say "best"... I'd just say the most memorable things are the ones that don't go right. As long as they're not too terrible, at least they can be amusing anecdotes.

There's too much bias in restaurant recommendations from randoms. Even if there's not favortism going on, everyone has such varied tastes that I find it's tough to get a good recommendation from any individual regarding a place to eat, unless it's someone whose opinion (about food) I really respect.

The reverse has also occurred. I tell people about a place I like to eat, and then they go and have all kinds of complaints about why it wasn't good. Different strokes and all that. With apologies to Gary Coleman.

[Sanlmar]

Son and I were in Georgia. Quick breakfast before a game at Waffle House. We sit at the counter. He sees the line cook pulling the hash browns out of a pan with his fingers. He’s like wtf and I’m like it’s Georgia relax.

15 years later the hygiene at Waffle House is still a running joke. I recently scooped unloaded gift cards from the Waffle House counter when I was down south and intend to give them to him on his birthday.

That’s priceless family team building. The power of fail. Embrace it.

[Dan Druff]

I would assume this is par for the course for rural France.

Good guess!

Well, you're a partial winner. It was in Versaiiles. But close enough.

[Dan Druff]

Here's the reveal. Don't read if you haven't voted yet...




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The bathrooms were the final straw for me. Up until that point, I was going to just deal with the fact that the place was not the most sanitary, and in fact reminded myself that I eat at plenty of places in the US which probably wouldn't get an "A" from the health department.

However, upon seeing that filthy bathroom with no soap (meaning the guy doesn't wash his hands the entire day, including when he shits), combined with everything else, I decided to abort.

But should I pay? The guy was at least somewhat friendly, and perhaps I was just eating in a place where the local customs don't involve the same level of sanitation I'm used to in the US.

I was strongly considering just taking the stuff to go, then dumping it in the trash and going elsewhere, but I quickly pulled up my phone and read the reviews. Almost all of them were fake. Had I read the reviews before going (instead of just looking at the high star rating), I would have never set foot in the place.

That made me instantly lose my sympathy for the guy. It's one thing to have low sanitation standards because everyone locally tolerates it. It's another to scam people by stuffing your reviews with phony 5-star entries in order to trick tourists like me to specifically seek out his business on false pretenses.

Ben isn't the greatest actor, but I told him, "I'm going to say you're sick and I need to take you to the hospital. Make yourself look sick."

He did a surprisingly convincing job, and once I saw the premise was believable, I stood up and said, "Sorry, my son is really sick to his stomach, we've gotta go."

Before the guy could respond, we briskly walked out.

I thought we had made a clean getaway, and had made some random turns when walking away, but we accidentally ended up on the main drag and the guy ran down the street and found us. He said, "Where did you go? Your sandwiches are ready!"

I responded, "My son, look at him, he's sick. I've got to take him to the hospital. Sorry, we have to go."

He said, "Just come back, I will pack them up for you, then you can go."

I said, "We've gotta go to the doctor right now. He's very sick. Sorry, man", and we walked away. Fortunately he just grumbled and accepted it and didn't pull out a knife or something. Note that we hadn't received the food yet, so this is a lot different than receiving the food and running out without paying.

Were this in the US, I would have just spoken up and confronted the guy about the awful sanitation and cancelled the order. In a foreign country, I felt this approach was better. I didn't feel bad about it, because the guy deserved it due to the fake reviews (and the grossness of the place, to be honest).

[Dan Druff]

Speaking of confrontations with small places while on the road...

In 2003, I was on a trip to Yellowstone with my then-girlfriend Miri. We were also with a family of 4 who lived in another part of Montana, of which the woman had been an old friend of Miri's from the past. We were staying in West Yellowstone, a hick town mostly aimed at tourists which was long known to have terrible food options.

Everyone expressed the desire to get pizza, so I looked up a local pizza place (I forget how, as smartphones didn't exist then), and called to order two large pizzas.

I arrived to pick it up, and found that both pizza had been burnt. I had already paid by this point. I asked the girl behind the counter to remake them, and she said no, and claimed the burning was minor and not worth remaking (which was false). I then asked for a refund and I'd return the pizzas. Again I was told no. I wasn't trying to be difficult. The pizza was legitimately burned and I thought nobody would be happy with it.

I continued to argue and explain that I shouldn't have to take burnt pizzas, and that they really needed to either remake them or refund me.



I found myself surrounded by a bunch of cowboys who were regular customers of the place, which also doubled as a bar with a pool table. One of them told me, "You don't come here and mess with locals." Another told me that I was acting "disrespectful", and that I "have no right to demand anything here". I admit I was scared at the moment that they were all about to jump me, beat me up, and throw me out of the place. But I also knew that I couldn't project fear, or it could get worse. I said, "I was just trying to get a pizza which everyone could eat. This was burned and I just wanted it remade. But okay, I'll just go."

Fortunately they backed off and let me walk out. I breathed a sigh of relief as I got in my car without the group following me out.

I brought the two pizzas back and apologized to everyone for them being burnt, and told them what happened. They understood, and we made the best of the burnt pizza.

I was surprised when I returned to West Yellowstone over 10 years later and saw that the place had somewhat reformed. There were actually a few middle-end and middle-high-end restaurants which hadn't been there before, and both the food and service were good. The evolution finally occurred.

But I did think of this situation when I had to decide if I'd confront the guy about his fucked up sandwich shop.

[Small_Banana]

I left my wallet in the car is my default excuse.